中国家庭关系一定与权力有关,爱却不一定_蜘蛛资讯网 365bet正规网址_365bet开户地址_365bet 日博
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中国家庭关系一定与权力有关,爱却不一定

????本文来自微信公众号:看理想(ID:ikanlixiang),作者:武志红、梁文道、蒋方舟,标题图来自视觉中国,
,我们常说,“原生家庭”对一个人的影响很大——童年记忆、性格成因、为人处世的原则,许多方面都可以追溯到一个人背后有着怎样的家庭成长环境。,
,但谈论得最多,也往往会导致误区最多。,
,今天这期圆桌派,在这样一个人人都需要面对的课题上,提出了一些不一样的看法。,
,你是否想过,我们是如何在成长中学会与他人相处的?,
,为什么我们总习惯将问题归罪于他人,却不愿归因于自己?,
,我们与父母所构建的关系,其实可能是一种权力关系?在我们从小耳濡目染的传统文化里,其实是一种寻母文化,而西方却总是带着弑父情结?,
,冤家:原生家庭说恩怨,
,嘉宾:武志红、梁文道、蒋方舟,
,1. 人际关系里的归罪游戏,
,蒋方舟:我有一个疑问,一个人长大不好吗?,
,我在跟我朋友聊的时候,有一个感觉,很多人会觉得家庭给他特别大的阴影,就是因为太密集地相处了。我们现在老说家长要陪伴,但尤其是情绪比较稳定的朋友,会觉得从小你不需要别人的陪伴,或者你缺乏陪伴,所以你必须跟自己的情绪相处。,
,武志红:我们在心理发展上有一个特别关键的点,叫作“从自恋走向依恋”。人都是自恋的,有些人极其难相处,就是因为这个人太自恋了。假如一个人一直活在自恋之中,这就问题很大。,
,比方说一个孩子的心灵、真实自我的外面包一层防御体系,如果长大防御体系特别严密,会导致你不能特别好地跟别人建立亲密关系。,
,但是依恋一般三岁之前就要完成的,比如你跟妈妈建立了很好的关系,你就从一个人的状态进入到关系的世界,而且一旦完成依恋,你在关系中就很自在,就比较好相处,相处的时候你很自然。,
,或者用另外一个说法,“一个人长大”意味着你活在一元世界里,你和别人的关系是:要不你挤压别人,要不别人挤压你。但是一旦你完成了依恋之后,你就活在两个人的世界里,你的心里真的有别人,你和别人相处的时候,你觉得不累。,
,窦文涛:那独生子女和有兄弟姐妹,是不是心理上有特别大的分别,还是说这其实是后天可以腾挪的?,
,武志红:这个话题我觉得是被我们不断地谈出来的,因为兄弟关系没有亲子关系那么重要,以我的观察,独生子女们在中国,我个人认为是比以往的孩子们更健康。以往动不动家庭有三四个孩子,甚至还有一些七八个的,那种家庭里面的孩子更容易出问题,因为父母包括老人的情感薄了。,
,只有一个孩子,确实会带来另一个问题,就是我们常说“421家庭”,六个大人围绕着一个孩子,这会导致第一,孩子会获得大量的关注,第二,在这里存在着大人们的竞争,假如这个孩子发现这一点,他就可以掌握这里面的权力,发展他自己。,
,窦文涛:都说原生家庭的影响特别大,但是有时候通过我的亲身接触,我也觉得,是不是不要过分夸大?,
,有的独生子女,爸妈一吵架永远迁怒于人,一有什么错,你看都是你在旁边给我捣乱,你看都是你。他从小就生活在这样的这个家庭气氛里,这个我就很理解。但是到后来,他一旦犯了事,也会说,这都是我原生家庭的影响,然后说,我就是我们家庭的悲剧。我忽然觉得,也不能这么宠着自个儿吧?,
,蒋方舟:甩锅给家长。,
,窦文涛:对。就归咎,一定要向外归因。,
,,
,武志红:其实归因还好,是我们寻找原因,很多人玩的是“归罪”。我们寻找原因,是理性的,归罪就是情绪的,我的痛苦都是你导致的,我的问题是你害的,这里面有一个“害”字。,
,我觉得归罪是一个普遍现象,老人倒地了,你去扶他,他说是你害的。我见过身边很多人这样的,小时候爸妈丢了钱要把你揍一顿说是你偷的,但有很多是孩子没干,钱找不到了,就要找一个罪人。,
,,
,在中国这个归罪游戏是非常熟悉的,像曹操打袁术的时候,没粮食了,他就借那个运粮官的人头一用,你看都是这个家伙害的,所以我们把他杀了,拿他祭旗,然后接下来再善待他的孩子。这样一来就把那个罪恶的情绪先释放一下,接着大家能够再去战斗。,
,但这为什么呢?照我的说法可能就是在我们的文化里头一直不鼓励“个性化自我”,所以我们都是不完整的。我们的自我都不够完整,会导致我们不能说,我出了事就是我负责,一定是我出了事是你负责。,
,窦文涛:因为我们是一体的,所以我犯了错,当然就是你的错。,
,梁文道:或者还有一种情况,我小时候对这个情况特别敏感,很多大人有时候遇到一些意外,因为有些时候不一定是谁犯错的问题,可能就是天然的意外,或者一件事情你不知道怎么发生了,如果严格说是人家的错好像也说不过去,可是这个时候,他们重点在什么?要找到人负责。,
,因为他不能接受,这个世界上居然有件事情让我这么不快,却是没有人负责的。所以他要找人负责,他还不是说这件事是不是我的错,刚才我们讲那种是我拒绝自我检讨,因为可能责任在我,他不是。,
,可能责任也真不在他,比如说现在的房塌下来了,谁的责任呢?这时候我总不能说,你看,你今天一来房子就塌了,我不能这么怪,但这种情况很普遍,所以为什么我们总要寻找一个人去怪?这个很有意思。,
,武志红:罪恶感也好,负疚感也好,或者那个问题的发生,没有独立自我的人,他承受不了,所以他一定要去找一个责任人。而且这个时候涉及到另外一个问题,我们讲归因的时候,我们在寻找客观的原因是什么,但是归罪的时候,寻找的是一个主观的原因,所以不仅是有人,不仅是有一种力量,导致了这个罪恶的发生,而且那个力量是恶意的,说白了就是寻找敌人,这是一个严重的事情。,
,2. 压抑得太久之下,对自由的渴望是放纵,
,武志红:三岁之前的孩子无非就是吃喝拉撒睡,就存在一个问题,到底你说了算,还是爸妈说了算?,
,所以我们会说在东西方的养育之中,存在着一个巨大的差异,东方文化是“他制他律”,父母制定了规律,你要符合他们的规律,让孩子从小就围着父母的意志转。,
,西方的养育是“自律自制”,英国的心理学家温尼科特(Donald. W. Winnicott)说,孩子的任何生理现象,如果你严重地管制他,都是一种虐待。,
,我们讲中小学,包括我们作为成年人,你会看到我们各种各样的网络上瘾,就是因为在前面我们没形成自律自制,一直都是他律他制。“他律他制”会导致一个问题,我们总想着把“他律他制”给破坏掉。,
,蒋方舟:是压抑得太厉害了。,
,武志红:对,就是我凭什么听你的呢?我为什么要按照你的来呢?所以一旦有机会就想放纵。,
,我们都知道中国还有个教育问题,通常考大学之前都很苦,等一上了大学就撒丫子啥也不干了,大学本科那四年,按说是一个黄金时期,但是“他律他制”的孩子四年就彻底放纵自我了,这个时候存在一种对自由的渴望。,
,,
,梁文道:不过你刚才说那一点我觉得很有意思,我们说小孩有网瘾,其实中国人大人的网瘾恐怕更严重。比如说,中国的旅行团到了一个国外的餐厅,全部人第一件事不是拿菜单,是先问无线网密码,然后就要上网。,
,我可能比较老派,出去吃饭见人会觉得在人家面前手机绝对摆一边,尊重眼前的人,跟他们聊,可是我现在发现,身边全部人都在低头继续玩手机。这个情况就跟刚刚说的孩子要玩平板电脑是一模一样。,
,武志红:而且还严重,因为大人还控制孩子,大人不控制自己的。,
,梁文道:我不能够去当父母说,大家全给我收起来,总不能这样子。,
,武志红:这种情形实际上仍然和“控制”有关。因为如果我跟你面对面地交流,如果情商低怎么办呢?我连这个讨好型人格发展得都不好怎么办呢?而且我总讨好你,我累不累?,
,所以最后就变成,我们的交流很耗神,而且都觉得失控,我感觉我挤压你,要不然你挤压我,总之都不舒服,所以我拿个手机上网,这个时候你看都在我控制之内,我想干嘛干嘛。,
,蒋方舟:我还有个问题,比如说玩平板电脑,它有可能是小孩对于家庭的模仿,家里人连自己大人都在玩平板电脑,小孩就觉得没问题,所以人们在谈原生家庭的时候,好多人年轻人说的是父母对自己的压迫,童年阴影,打骂。但是还有一点很重要,就是自己对父母那一代的模仿。,
,我原来看了一个很有意思的观点,说家庭出身好一点的小孩和出身差一点的小孩有一个很大的区别,那就是,他们的父母在跟权威沟通的时候态度是不一样的。,
,比如孩子犯了错,踢足球把玻璃砸了,然后校长叫家长来,中产阶级的可能家庭条件好一点,家长会跟老师据理力争说是因为什么样的原因怎么样,但是环境差一点的家长可能要么就是求情,要么就是把小孩打一顿。,
,其实很多时候,我们学会如何跟比我们强的人沟通,跟上司沟通,跟权威沟通,是从父母那习得的,然后就不同的家庭,沟通方式是不太一样的。,
,武志红:对,当然有非常复杂的逻辑,但基本上我们可以说,原生家庭的图景,会被孩子内化到内心深处,不仅内化了父母的模式,特别严重的是,把“关系”都内化到内心深处。,
,我们老讲人格、性格,觉得这个人怎么样,特别喜欢用基因来讲,但是精神分析其实有时候对基因不是那么重视,所谓的人格,其实就是你把童年的重要的关系模式内化到你内心深处。,
,窦文涛:有个词叫内模仿。,
,武志红:这个模仿我们是有意识的,但是刚才讲的你连意识都没有,可能就是这个图景,被你记住了,它就成为你的一部分了。,
,3. 中国父母和孩子之间,存在着一种“不分”,
,窦文涛:前一阵的电视剧《都挺好》,好多人就聊到这个了,过去的戏剧一般都是说,父母亲都是爱孩子的,它一下展示出来一个恶相。,
,我接触的几乎所有跟家庭闹矛盾的年轻人,就有一个结解不开,作为父母来说,我是为你好,这难道有什么疑问吗?父母还有不爱孩子的吗?但是为什么孩子觉得那么拧巴,甚至达到仇恨,要离家出走?,
,我听到一种理论,说别把父母总想得跟圣人似的,或者,也有说法是父母其实是在孩子身上找满足,自己没实现的梦,要在孩子身上完成;自己在生活里头饱受欺压,却在孩子面前耍威风、当权威。可是我觉得,父母的爱难道不是本能的吗?,
,武志红:爱当然不是本能的。说实话,我越来越不知道什么叫爱了,我越来越看到,人际关系有个东西就是“权力”。,
,权力是中国家庭绕不过去的东西,比方你刚才讲的那句话,难道父母不都是爱孩子的吗?我记得我干了一件事儿,2007年在天涯论坛上发了个帖子,叫《谎言中的NO.1,没有父母不爱自己的孩子》,后来出了一本书《为何家会伤人》。基本上在中国,如果父母虐待孩子,记者都会说他的教育不当,都说父母本意是爱孩子的,其实很多时候,就是为了发泄自己。,
,我有一个来访者,他的父母都有各自的企业,都可以算是亿万富翁,但这个孩子他说,在中国,你想体验做皇帝的感觉特别简单,生个孩子就可以了,你想打就打、想骂就骂、想剥削就剥削,想怎么对待都行,然后道德舆论和文化都说,父母怎么做都是为了爱你,这不胡扯吗?很多时候,你就是在干一件错误的、糟糕的事情。,
,所以这会连带着出现很多问题。我们首先要分,我是我,你是你,我的问题是我的问题,你的问题是你的问题,如果在父母和孩子之间发生了具体的冲突,我们必须要分谁对谁错,到底谁干得好,谁干得不好,要分得很清晰。,
,但是你看过去中国父母和孩子之间,存在着一种“不分”,父母怎么做都是对的,那就意味着,孩子怎么都是错的。,
,我们本来说孩子最初是弱小的,控制不了自己,需要那么多的抚慰,让父母告诉孩子,你没问题,你挺好的,但是结果呢,反过来,不仅孩子没有得到抚慰,父母反而把自己身上的一堆垃圾,往自己孩子身上去倾倒,说,不仅你的问题是你糟糕,连我们的问题,我们不离婚,或者我们闹离婚,我们过不好,也都是因为你。,
,在中国还有个事情,就是母亲和儿子的共生、母亲和女儿的共生非常普遍,什么叫作共生?他俩是一个人,明明是你要结婚,你要找女朋友,这是个人独立自主的意识之下你的人生选择,但是就变成妈帮你做了选择,所以这个时候,他一方面听了他妈的,另外一方面,他一定想叛逆,想对着干。,
,,
,窦文涛:真的,我周围朋友有这样的,那真是苦不堪言,说咱能不能吃饭,你妈不跟着?,
,蒋方舟:其实就像相亲角里面,都是父母替小孩相亲,很多就依顺了,但他依顺的态度也是——好,我按照你的意思,以后不要拿这件事情烦我。其实是累了,我不想再争执了。,
,武志红:你恨的话是向外,但是说我累了,因为我恨我自己,我不能攻击父母,我变成攻击我自己,所以我经常累了,掩饰。,
,蒋方舟:那怎么去颠倒这种权力关系呢?很多人会觉得说,我经济独立了,我自己也搬出去住了,为什么父母对我的精神上控制还在?,
,窦文涛:我补充你一下,现在这个权力关系有了经济基础,我都没法想象,钱这个因素,潜在地跟亲情有关系。,
,武志红:我再给你讲点别的故事,在福建我有一个朋友,孩子们都有各自的工厂,妈掌握所有的钱,因为福建重男轻女,一般媳妇很惨,但是一旦当了妈,妈就可以控制孩子。所以他家三个孩子,都很有出息,结果妈掌握着大权,谁掌握钱袋子,谁就可以有话语权。,
,梁文道:但有时候甚至可以这样子,她很可能几个孩子都出人头地了,这个妈从来也没什么钱,纯粹是白手起家,然后反过来是这个妈会跟孩子们说:“你们有今天全靠我当年xxx”,给你的是道德欠债感。,
,甚至有的妈就开始跟孩子编故事,虚构一些不曾存在发生过的她的苦难史,然后这个孩子到了70岁的时候说,我妈当年曾经有过这么悲哀的往事。所以各种情况,总之这个关系基本上是个“债务关系”。,
,,
,4. 中国的文化都是在找寻母,爸爸去哪儿了?,
,蒋方舟:这个跟我们学校教育有没有关系,我们小学的时候,作文每个人都编过,或者是写过,我发烧的时候,妈妈在一个下雪天,骑自行车背着我……,
,我们每个人好像都写过这种故事,会不会它潜在地加深了我道德上的欠债感。,
,武志红:这个很有趣,通常这是孩子自发写的,虽然老师布置了任务,说你要写关于妈妈的故事,但是我们都在写妈妈多么伟大、妈妈多么苦——叫苦情文化。,
,围绕这个我们再做一点精神分析里头的“自由联想”,本来谈原生家庭的问题,逐渐谈到了妈身上。虽然重男轻女,但是中国的文化都是在找妈,你看《小蝌蚪找妈妈》《妈妈再爱我一次》,影视剧里头讲的都是妈。,
,窦文涛:那是因为爸爸老不在了。,
,蒋方舟:“丧偶式”的教育。,
,窦文涛:是不是中国社会有点“爸爸缺位”。,
,武志红:对,但这时候我要再讲一个故事,岳飞的父亲是谁?叫什么名字?传说中都是这样的——,
,岳飞的父亲是个财主,确实当地发生过大水,但是岳飞的父亲很仁义,仗义疏财,救大家。还请了私塾先生教自己儿子文化知识和武艺,岳飞19岁的时候上了战场,那时候宋国跟辽国大战,是父亲让他去打仗的,等他22岁的时候,他父亲才去世,那时候岳飞已经在战场上闯下名头了。,
,但是你看,我们的历史、我们的文化,就把这个父亲给“谋杀”了,岳母在他背上刺下了精忠报国几个字,然后这成了一个图腾。其实岳飞之所以成为这样的岳飞,是父亲培养了他。,
,窦文涛:我过去一直以为,岳飞的父亲是个不负责任的人,抛弃了孤儿寡母,自己出去花去了。,
,武志红:我再讲一个故事,包拯的父母是什么人?我们的传说都是,包拯是他嫂子带大的,但是包拯一样是地主家庭,父亲也是很有作为的。,
,确实很多家庭文化里头,父亲缺位或者父亲不够好,但是有好父亲的,又把他给“谋杀”了,所以我会认为,我们确实是寻母文化,美化各种各样的母亲,所以这构成了一个巨大的矛盾:既严重地重男轻女,又严重地美化母亲,重男轻女让女儿很痛苦、让媳妇很痛苦,但是一旦你成了妈,就不一样了。,
,梁文道:所以就是父亲的冤仇深了。,
,母亲这个意象是很有趣的,我们通常形容国家跟人民的关系,国家是母性的,我们会讲母亲河,回到祖国的怀抱,不太容易想象祖国是个爸爸。,
,武志红:对,还有一个很有意思,你看欧美文化怎么形容祖国呢?,
,梁文道:很多时候会讲father land(父地)。,
,武志红:如果你看好莱坞电影,多数都在讲父亲,中国的电影多数都在讲母亲,《蜘蛛侠》《蝙蝠侠》各种各样的英雄片,讲的都是父亲。,
,照精神分析的理论,孩子和母亲在一起,三岁之后才进入到父亲的世界,这也是弗洛伊德着名的概念,叫俄狄浦斯情结,儿子要弑父,一切权力的斗争源头都来自于儿子和父亲的一种权力斗争。,
,欧美文化很多故事就讲到,儿子和父亲的争斗,通常是儿子把父亲杀了,当然它以各种各样的方式(讲述),比方诺兰的《蝙蝠侠》三部曲——,
,蝙蝠侠在他们家族土地上,发现了一只长矛的矛头,先是他那个青梅竹马的小女孩找到的,接着蝙蝠侠拿过来,要占为己有,这个小女孩追他,他就逃跑,两个人追打,结果他掉到井里,井就是潜意识,他拿到这个矛头,说白了他想弑父。,
,结果当他掉到这个井里,是一个完美的父亲救了他。当天晚上遇到了一个盗匪把他父母杀了,变成是盗匪杀了他父母,然后蝙蝠侠多次出现幻觉,但是这个幻觉里头,永远没有出现过那个盗匪的脸。所以说是这个片子讲的是他的弑父情结。,
,,《蝙蝠侠:侠影之谜》剧照,
,但中国,都在讲的是,我们都在寻找母亲。,
,窦文涛:所以有一个观点就是说,为什么西方很鼓励创新?西方古代神话就是弑父,弑父就是推翻权威,然后你能创造新的。但是相比之下东方文化呢,就是强调服从,尤其从家庭内部就开始了。,
,父母什么时候认怂呢?比如说想学表演,父母不同意,可是有一天他演了部戏,他火了。这个时候,爸爸妈妈过来就说,我们老了,我们可能有些观点也不一定对,你以后的路你自己走。,
,其实这个本质上是“成功逻辑”:父母原来一定让你服从,但是有的时候,父母也可以说:你成功了,我们可以退下,你没成功,我们就永远有理由贬低你。,
,梁文道:然后母亲总是以一种孩子永远对她负债累累的形象出现,要报答母爱。,
,武志红:所以这个称为苦情文化,这会引出很多东西,弱者有理,谁弱谁有理,然后女人如果想在婚姻关系中获得一点控制地位,她就通过自己被摧残的这么一种感觉,让大家同情她,然后在孩子面前获得就是话语权。,
,梁文道:没错,所以我们喜欢斗苦的。我们上一代那种老文艺青年,就比如说他们经历过艰辛探索时期,最喜欢讲当年,想当年我那时候怎么样,他们会比谁更惨、谁更苦,越苦的那个人,通常就意味着他接下来要说的话,或者写的东西就越深刻。,
,蒋方舟:但是这种苦情文化,跟那种崇尚成功者,是相互矛盾的吗?因为一方面,你看到好像对于弱者给予格外的同情和关注,但是另外一方面,其实你又对成功格外的崇拜。,
,武志红:其实归到一点上,就是父母叫孩子听话,当父母给你做各种各样的解释,无非就要一点嘛,让我听你的,那凭什么呢,就因为你是我父母,我就要听你的。,
,梁文道:凡是这种你就得关系明确,这个是你的事儿,还是我的事儿,大家分际要搞清楚,要不然永远纠缠。,
,本文为节目文稿节选。,
,本文来自微信公众号:看理想(ID:ikanlixiang),作者:武志红、梁文道、蒋方舟,标题图来自视觉中国

ben wen lai zi wei xin gong zhong hao: kan li xiang ID: ikanlixiang, zuo zhe: wu zhi hong liang wen dao jiang fang zhou, biao ti tu lai zi shi jue zhong guo,, wo men chang shuo," yuan sheng jia ting" dui yi ge ren de ying xiang hen da tong nian ji yi xing ge cheng yin wei ren chu shi de yuan ze, xu duo fang mian dou ke yi zhui su dao yi ge ren bei hou you zhe zen yang de jia ting cheng zhang huan jing.,, dan tan lun de zui duo, ye wang wang hui dao zhi wu qu zui duo.,, jin tian zhe qi yuan zhuo pai, zai zhe yang yi ge ren ren dou xu yao mian dui de ke ti shang, ti chu le yi xie bu yi yang de kan fa.,, ni shi fou xiang guo, wo men shi ru he zai cheng zhang zhong xue hui yu ta ren xiang chu de?,, wei shen me wo men zong xi guan jiang wen ti gui zui yu ta ren, que bu yuan gui yin yu zi ji?,, wo men yu fu mu suo gou jian de guan xi, qi shi ke neng shi yi zhong quan li guan xi? zai wo men cong xiao er ru mu ran de chuan tong wen hua li, qi shi shi yi zhong xun mu wen hua, er xi fang que zong shi dai zhe shi fu qing jie?,, yuan jia: yuan sheng jia ting shuo en yuan,, jia bin: wu zhi hong liang wen dao jiang fang zhou,, 1. ren ji guan xi li de gui zui you xi,, jiang fang zhou: wo you yi ge yi wen, yi ge ren zhang da bu hao ma?,, wo zai gen wo peng you liao de shi hou, you yi ge gan jue, hen duo ren hui jue de jia ting gei ta te bie da de yin ying, jiu shi yin wei tai mi ji di xiang chu le. wo men xian zai lao shuo jia zhang yao pei ban, dan you qi shi qing xu bi jiao wen ding de peng you, hui jue de cong xiao ni bu xu yao bie ren de pei ban, huo zhe ni que fa pei ban, suo yi ni bi xu gen zi ji de qing xu xiang chu.,, wu zhi hong: wo men zai xin li fa zhan shang you yi ge te bie guan jian de dian, jiao zuo" cong zi lian zou xiang yi lian". ren dou shi zi lian de, you xie ren ji qi nan xiang chu, jiu shi yin wei zhe ge ren tai zi lian le. jia ru yi ge ren yi zhi huo zai zi lian zhi zhong, zhe jiu wen ti hen da.,, bi fang shuo yi ge hai zi de xin ling zhen shi zi wo de wai mian bao yi ceng fang yu ti xi, ru guo zhang da fang yu ti xi te bie yan mi, hui dao zhi ni bu neng te bie hao di gen bie ren jian li qin mi guan xi.,, dan shi yi lian yi ban san sui zhi qian jiu yao wan cheng de, bi ru ni gen ma ma jian li le hen hao de guan xi, ni jiu cong yi ge ren de zhuang tai jin ru dao guan xi de shi jie, er qie yi dan wan cheng yi lian, ni zai guan xi zhong jiu hen zi zai, jiu bi jiao hao xiang chu, xiang chu de shi hou ni hen zi ran.,, huo zhe yong ling wai yi ge shuo fa," yi ge ren zhang da" yi wei zhe ni huo zai yi yuan shi jie li, ni he bie ren de guan xi shi: yao bu ni ji ya bie ren, yao bu bie ren ji ya ni. dan shi yi dan ni wan cheng le yi lian zhi hou, ni jiu huo zai liang ge ren de shi jie li, ni de xin li zhen de you bie ren, ni he bie ren xiang chu de shi hou, ni jue de bu lei.,, dou wen tao: na du sheng zi nv he you xiong di jie mei, shi bu shi xin li shang you te bie da de fen bie, hai shi shuo zhe qi shi shi hou tian ke yi teng nuo de?,, wu zhi hong: zhe ge hua ti wo jue de shi bei wo men bu duan di tan chu lai de, yin wei xiong di guan xi mei you qin zi guan xi na me zhong yao, yi wo de guan cha, du sheng zi nv men zai zhong guo, wo ge ren ren wei shi bi yi wang de hai zi men geng jian kang. yi wang dong bu dong jia ting you san si ge hai zi, shen zhi hai you yi xie qi ba ge de, na zhong jia ting li mian di hai zi geng rong yi chu wen ti, yin wei fu mu bao kuo lao ren de qing gan bao le.,, zhi you yi ge hai zi, que shi hui dai lai ling yi ge wen ti, jiu shi wo men chang shuo" 421 jia ting", liu ge da ren wei rao zhe yi ge hai zi, zhe hui dao zhi di yi, hai zi hui huo de da liang de guan zhu, di er, zai zhe li cun zai zhe da ren men de jing zheng, jia ru zhe ge hai zi fa xian zhe yi dian, ta jiu ke yi zhang wo zhe li mian di quan li, fa zhan ta zi ji.,, dou wen tao: dou shuo yuan sheng jia ting de ying xiang te bie da, dan shi you shi hou tong guo wo de qin shen jie chu, wo ye jue de, shi bu shi bu yao guo fen kua da?,, you de du sheng zi nv, ba ma yi chao jia yong yuan qian nu yu ren, yi you shen me cuo, ni kan dou shi ni zai pang bian gei wo dao luan, ni kan dou shi ni. ta cong xiao jiu sheng huo zai zhe yang de zhe ge jia ting qi fen li, zhe ge wo jiu hen li jie. dan shi dao hou lai, ta yi dan fan liao shi, ye hui shuo, zhe dou shi wo yuan sheng jia ting de ying xiang, ran hou shuo, wo jiu shi wo men jia ting de bei ju. wo hu ran jue de, ye bu neng zhe me chong zhe zi ge er ba?,, jiang fang zhou: shuai guo gei jia zhang.,, dou wen tao: dui. jiu gui jiu, yi ding yao xiang wai gui yin.,,,, wu zhi hong: qi shi gui yin hai hao, shi wo men xun zhao yuan yin, hen duo ren wan de shi" gui zui". wo men xun zhao yuan yin, shi li xing de, gui zui jiu shi qing xu de, wo de tong ku dou shi ni dao zhi de, wo de wen ti shi ni hai de, zhe li mian you yi ge" hai" zi.,, wo jue de gui zui shi yi ge pu bian xian xiang, lao ren dao di le, ni qu fu ta, ta shuo shi ni hai de. wo jian guo shen bian hen duo ren zhe yang de, xiao shi hou ba ma diu le qian yao ba ni zou yi dun shuo shi ni tou de, dan you hen duo shi hai zi mei gan, qian zhao bu dao le, jiu yao zhao yi ge zui ren.,,,, zai zhong guo zhe ge gui zui you xi shi fei chang shu xi de, xiang cao cao da yuan shu de shi hou, mei liang shi le, ta jiu jie na ge yun liang guan de ren tou yi yong, ni kan dou shi zhe ge jia huo hai de, suo yi wo men ba ta sha le, na ta ji qi, ran hou jie xia lai zai shan dai ta de hai zi. zhe yang yi lai jiu ba na ge zui e de qing xu xian shi fang yi xia, jie zhe da jia neng gou zai qu zhan dou.,, dan zhe wei shen me ne? zhao wo de shuo fa ke neng jiu shi zai wo men de wen hua li tou yi zhi bu gu li" ge xing hua zi wo", suo yi wo men dou shi bu wan zheng de. wo men de zi wo dou bu gou wan zheng, hui dao zhi wo men bu neng shuo, wo chu liao shi jiu shi wo fu ze, yi ding shi wo chu liao shi shi ni fu ze.,, dou wen tao: yin wei wo men shi yi ti de, suo yi wo fan le cuo, dang ran jiu shi ni de cuo.,, liang wen dao: huo zhe hai you yi zhong qing kuang, wo xiao shi hou dui zhe ge qing kuang te bie min gan, hen duo da ren you shi hou yu dao yi xie yi wai, yin wei you xie shi hou bu yi ding shi shui fan cuo de wen ti, ke neng jiu shi tian ran de yi wai, huo zhe yi jian shi qing ni bu zhi dao zen me fa sheng le, ru guo yan ge shuo shi ren jia de cuo hao xiang ye shuo bu guo qu, ke shi zhe ge shi hou, ta men zhong dian zai shen me? yao zhao dao ren fu ze.,, yin wei ta bu neng jie shou, zhe ge shi jie shang ju ran you jian shi qing rang wo zhe me bu kuai, que shi mei you ren fu ze de. suo yi ta yao zhao ren fu ze, ta hai bu shi shuo zhe jian shi shi bu shi wo de cuo, gang cai wo men jiang na zhong shi wo ju jue zi wo jian tao, yin wei ke neng ze ren zai wo, ta bu shi.,, ke neng ze ren ye zhen bu zai ta, bi ru shuo xian zai de fang ta xia lai le, shui de ze ren ne? zhe shi hou wo zong bu neng shuo, ni kan, ni jin tian yi lai fang zi jiu ta le, wo bu neng zhe me guai, dan zhe zhong qing kuang hen pu bian, suo yi wei shen me wo men zong yao xun zhao yi ge ren qu guai? zhe ge hen you yi si.,, wu zhi hong: zui e gan ye hao, fu jiu gan ye hao, huo zhe na ge wen ti de fa sheng, mei you du li zi wo de ren, ta cheng shou bu liao, suo yi ta yi ding yao qu zhao yi ge ze ren ren. er qie zhe ge shi hou she ji dao ling wai yi ge wen ti, wo men jiang gui yin de shi hou, wo men zai xun zhao ke guan de yuan yin shi shen me, dan shi gui zui de shi hou, xun zhao de shi yi ge zhu guan de yuan yin, suo yi bu jin shi you ren, bu jin shi you yi zhong li liang, dao zhi le zhe ge zui e de fa sheng, er qie na ge li liang shi e yi de, shuo bai le jiu shi xun zhao di ren, zhe shi yi ge yan zhong de shi qing.,, 2. ya yi de tai jiu zhi xia, dui zi you de ke wang shi fang zong,, wu zhi hong: san sui zhi qian de hai zi wu fei jiu shi chi he la sa shui, jiu cun zai yi ge wen ti, dao di ni shuo le suan, hai shi ba ma shuo le suan?,, suo yi wo men hui shuo zai dong xi fang de yang yu zhi zhong, cun zai zhe yi ge ju da de cha yi, dong fang wen hua shi" ta zhi ta lv", fu mu zhi ding le gui lv, ni yao fu he ta men de gui lv, rang hai zi cong xiao jiu wei zhe fu mu de yi zhi zhuan.,, xi fang de yang yu shi" zi lv zi zhi", ying guo de xin li xue jia wen ni ke te Donald. W. Winnicott shuo, hai zi de ren he sheng li xian xiang, ru guo ni yan zhong di guan zhi ta, dou shi yi zhong nue dai.,, wo men jiang zhong xiao xue, bao kuo wo men zuo wei cheng nian ren, ni hui kan dao wo men ge zhong ge yang de wang luo shang yin, jiu shi yin wei zai qian mian wo men mei xing cheng zi lv zi zhi, yi zhi dou shi ta lv ta zhi." ta lv ta zhi" hui dao zhi yi ge wen ti, wo men zong xiang zhe ba" ta lv ta zhi" gei po huai diao.,, jiang fang zhou: shi ya yi de tai li hai le.,, wu zhi hong: dui, jiu shi wo ping shen me ting ni de ne? wo wei shen me yao an zhao ni de lai ne? suo yi yi dan you ji hui jiu xiang fang zong.,, wo men dou zhi dao zhong guo hai you ge jiao yu wen ti, tong chang kao da xue zhi qian dou hen ku, deng yi shang le da xue jiu sa ya zi sha ye bu gan le, da xue ben ke na si nian, an shuo shi yi ge huang jin shi qi, dan shi" ta lv ta zhi" de hai zi si nian jiu che di fang zong zi wo le, zhe ge shi hou cun zai yi zhong dui zi you de ke wang.,,,, liang wen dao: bu guo ni gang cai shuo na yi dian wo jue de hen you yi si, wo men shuo xiao hai you wang yin, qi shi zhong guo ren da ren de wang yin kong pa geng yan zhong. bi ru shuo, zhong guo de lv xing tuan dao le yi ge guo wai de can ting, quan bu ren di yi jian shi bu shi na cai dan, shi xian wen wu xian wang mi ma, ran hou jiu yao shang wang.,, wo ke neng bi jiao lao pai, chu qu chi fan jian ren hui jue de zai ren jia mian qian shou ji jue dui bai yi bian, zun zhong yan qian de ren, gen ta men liao, ke shi wo xian zai fa xian, shen bian quan bu ren dou zai di tou ji xu wan shou ji. zhe ge qing kuang jiu gen gang gang shuo de hai zi yao wan ping ban dian nao shi yi mu yi yang.,, wu zhi hong: er qie hai yan zhong, yin wei da ren hai kong zhi hai zi, da ren bu kong zhi zi ji de.,, liang wen dao: wo bu neng gou qu dang fu mu shuo, da jia quan gei wo shou qi lai, zong bu neng zhe yang zi.,, wu zhi hong: zhe zhong qing xing shi ji shang reng ran he" kong zhi" you guan. yin wei ru guo wo gen ni mian dui mian di jiao liu, ru guo qing shang di zen me ban ne? wo lian zhe ge tao hao xing ren ge fa zhan de dou bu hao zen me ban ne? er qie wo zong tao hao ni, wo lei bu lei?,, suo yi zui hou jiu bian cheng, wo men de jiao liu hen hao shen, er qie dou jue de shi kong, wo gan jue wo ji ya ni, yao bu ran ni ji ya wo, zong zhi dou bu shu fu, suo yi wo na ge shou ji shang wang, zhe ge shi hou ni kan dou zai wo kong zhi zhi nei, wo xiang gan ma gan ma.,, jiang fang zhou: wo hai you ge wen ti, bi ru shuo wan ping ban dian nao, ta you ke neng shi xiao hai dui yu jia ting de mo fang, jia li ren lian zi ji da ren dou zai wan ping ban dian nao, xiao hai jiu jue de mei wen ti, suo yi ren men zai tan yuan sheng jia ting de shi hou, hao duo ren nian qing ren shuo de shi fu mu dui zi ji de ya po, tong nian yin ying, da ma. dan shi hai you yi dian hen zhong yao, jiu shi zi ji dui fu mu na yi dai de mo fang.,, wo yuan lai kan le yi ge hen you yi si de guan dian, shuo jia ting chu shen hao yi dian de xiao hai he chu shen cha yi dian de xiao hai you yi ge hen da de qu bie, na jiu shi, ta men de fu mu zai gen quan wei gou tong de shi hou tai du shi bu yi yang de.,, bi ru hai zi fan le cuo, ti zu qiu ba bo li za le, ran hou xiao zhang jiao jia zhang lai, zhong chan jie ji de ke neng jia ting tiao jian hao yi dian, jia zhang hui gen lao shi ju li li zheng shuo shi yin wei shen me yang de yuan yin zen me yang, dan shi huan jing cha yi dian de jia zhang ke neng yao me jiu shi qiu qing, yao me jiu shi ba xiao hai da yi dun.,, qi shi hen duo shi hou, wo men xue hui ru he gen bi wo men qiang de ren gou tong, gen shang si gou tong, gen quan wei gou tong, shi cong fu mu na xi de de, ran hou jiu bu tong de jia ting, gou tong fang shi shi bu tai yi yang de.,, wu zhi hong: dui, dang ran you fei chang fu za de luo ji, dan ji ben shang wo men ke yi shuo, yuan sheng jia ting de tu jing, hui bei hai zi nei hua dao nei xin shen chu, bu jin nei hua le fu mu de mo shi, te bie yan zhong de shi, ba" guan xi" dou nei hua dao nei xin shen chu.,, wo men lao jiang ren ge xing ge, jue de zhe ge ren zen me yang, te bie xi huan yong ji yin lai jiang, dan shi jing shen fen xi qi shi you shi hou dui ji yin bu shi na me zhong shi, suo wei de ren ge, qi shi jiu shi ni ba tong nian de zhong yao de guan xi mo shi nei hua dao ni nei xin shen chu.,, dou wen tao: you ge ci jiao nei mo fang.,, wu zhi hong: zhe ge mo fang wo men shi you yi shi de, dan shi gang cai jiang de ni lian yi shi dou mei you, ke neng jiu shi zhe ge tu jing, bei ni ji zhu le, ta jiu cheng wei ni de yi bu fen le.,, 3. zhong guo fu mu he hai zi zhi jian, cun zai zhe yi zhong" bu fen",, dou wen tao: qian yi zhen de dian shi ju dou ting hao, hao duo ren jiu liao dao zhe ge le, guo qu de xi ju yi ban dou shi shuo, fu mu qin dou shi ai hai zi de, ta yi xia zhan shi chu lai yi ge e xiang.,, wo jie chu de ji hu suo you gen jia ting nao mao dun de nian qing ren, jiu you yi ge jie jie bu kai, zuo wei fu mu lai shuo, wo shi wei ni hao, zhe nan dao you shen me yi wen ma? fu mu hai you bu ai hai zi de ma? dan shi wei shen me hai zi jue de na me ning ba, shen zhi da dao chou hen, yao li jia chu zou?,, wo ting dao yi zhong li lun, shuo bie ba fu mu zong xiang de gen sheng ren shi de, huo zhe, ye you shuo fa shi fu mu qi shi shi zai hai zi shen shang zhao man zu, zi ji mei shi xian de meng, yao zai hai zi shen shang wan cheng zi ji zai sheng huo li tou bao shou qi ya, que zai hai zi mian qian shua wei feng dang quan wei. ke shi wo jue de, fu mu de ai nan dao bu shi ben neng de ma?,, wu zhi hong: ai dang ran bu shi ben neng de. shuo shi hua, wo yue lai yue bu zhi dao shen me jiao ai le, wo yue lai yue kan dao, ren ji guan xi you ge dong xi jiu shi" quan li".,, quan li shi zhong guo jia ting rao bu guo qu de dong xi, bi fang ni gang cai jiang de na ju hua, nan dao fu mu bu dou shi ai hai zi de ma? wo ji de wo gan le yi jian shi er, 2007 nian zai tian ya lun tan shang fa le ge tie zi, jiao huang yan zhong de NO. 1, mei you fu mu bu ai zi ji de hai zi, hou lai chu le yi ben shu wei he jia hui shang ren. ji ben shang zai zhong guo, ru guo fu mu nue dai hai zi, ji zhe dou hui shuo ta de jiao yu bu dang, dou shuo fu mu ben yi shi ai hai zi de, qi shi hen duo shi hou, jiu shi wei le fa xie zi ji.,, wo you yi ge lai fang zhe, ta de fu mu dou you ge zi de qi ye, dou ke yi suan shi yi wan fu weng, dan zhe ge hai zi ta shuo, zai zhong guo, ni xiang ti yan zuo huang di de gan jue te bie jian dan, sheng ge hai zi jiu ke yi le, ni xiang da jiu da xiang ma jiu ma xiang bo xue jiu bo xue, xiang zen me dui dai dou xing, ran hou dao de yu lun he wen hua dou shuo, fu mu zen me zuo dou shi wei le ai ni, zhe bu hu che ma? hen duo shi hou, ni jiu shi zai gan yi jian cuo wu de zao gao de shi qing.,, suo yi zhe hui lian dai zhe chu xian hen duo wen ti. wo men shou xian yao fen, wo shi wo, ni shi ni, wo de wen ti shi wo de wen ti, ni de wen ti shi ni de wen ti, ru guo zai fu mu he hai zi zhi jian fa sheng le ju ti de chong tu, wo men bi xu yao fen shui dui shui cuo, dao di shui gan de hao, shui gan de bu hao, yao fen de hen qing xi.,, dan shi ni kan guo qu zhong guo fu mu he hai zi zhi jian, cun zai zhe yi zhong" bu fen", fu mu zen me zuo dou shi dui de, na jiu yi wei zhe, hai zi zen me dou shi cuo de.,, wo men ben lai shuo hai zi zui chu shi ruo xiao de, kong zhi bu liao zi ji, xu yao na me duo de fu wei, rang fu mu gao su hai zi, ni mei wen ti, ni ting hao de, dan shi jie guo ne, fan guo lai, bu jin hai zi mei you de dao fu wei, fu mu fan er ba zi ji shen shang de yi dui la ji, wang zi ji hai zi shen shang qu qing dao, shuo, bu jin ni de wen ti shi ni zao gao, lian wo men de wen ti, wo men bu li hun, huo zhe wo men nao li hun, wo men guo bu hao, ye dou shi yin wei ni.,, zai zhong guo hai you ge shi qing, jiu shi mu qin he er zi de gong sheng mu qin he nv er de gong sheng fei chang pu bian, shen me jiao zuo gong sheng? ta lia shi yi ge ren, ming ming shi ni yao jie hun, ni yao zhao nv peng you, zhe shi ge ren du li zi zhu de yi shi zhi xia ni de ren sheng xuan ze, dan shi jiu bian cheng ma bang ni zuo le xuan ze, suo yi zhe ge shi hou, ta yi fang mian ting le ta ma de, ling wai yi fang mian, ta yi ding xiang pan ni, xiang dui zhe gan.,,,, dou wen tao: zhen de, wo zhou wei peng you you zhe yang de, na zhen shi ku bu kan yan, shuo zan neng bu neng chi fan, ni ma bu gen zhe?,, jiang fang zhou: qi shi jiu xiang xiang qin jiao li mian, dou shi fu mu ti xiao hai xiang qin, hen duo jiu yi shun le, dan ta yi shun de tai du ye shi hao, wo an zhao ni de yi si, yi hou bu yao na zhe jian shi qing fan wo. qi shi shi lei le, wo bu xiang zai zheng zhi le.,, wu zhi hong: ni hen de hua shi xiang wai, dan shi shuo wo lei le, yin wei wo hen wo zi ji, wo bu neng gong ji fu mu, wo bian cheng gong ji wo zi ji, suo yi wo jing chang lei le, yan shi.,, jiang fang zhou: na zen me qu dian dao zhe zhong quan li guan xi ne? hen duo ren hui jue de shuo, wo jing ji du li le, wo zi ji ye ban chu qu zhu le, wei shen me fu mu dui wo de jing shen shang kong zhi hai zai?,, dou wen tao: wo bu chong ni yi xia, xian zai zhe ge quan li guan xi you le jing ji ji chu, wo dou mei fa xiang xiang, qian zhe ge yin su, qian zai di gen qin qing you guan xi.,, wu zhi hong: wo zai gei ni jiang dian bie de gu shi, zai fu jian wo you yi ge peng you, hai zi men dou you ge zi de gong chang, ma zhang wo suo you de qian, yin wei fu jian zhong nan qing nv, yi ban xi fu hen can, dan shi yi dan dang le ma, ma jiu ke yi kong zhi hai zi. suo yi ta jia san ge hai zi, dou hen you chu xi, jie guo ma zhang wo zhe da quan, shui zhang wo qian dai zi, shui jiu ke yi you hua yu quan.,, liang wen dao: dan you shi hou shen zhi ke yi zhe yang zi, ta hen ke neng ji ge hai zi dou chu ren tou di le, zhe ge ma cong lai ye mei shen me qian, chun cui shi bai shou qi jia, ran hou fan guo lai shi zhe ge ma hui gen hai zi men shuo:" ni men you jin tian quan kao wo dang nian xxx", gei ni de shi dao de qian zhai gan.,, shen zhi you de ma jiu kai shi gen hai zi bian gu shi, xu gou yi xie bu ceng cun zai fa sheng guo de ta de ku nan shi, ran hou zhe ge hai zi dao le 70 sui de shi hou shuo, wo ma dang nian ceng jing you guo zhe me bei ai de wang shi. suo yi ge zhong qing kuang, zong zhi zhe ge guan xi ji ben shang shi ge" zhai wu guan xi".,,,, 4. zhong guo de wen hua dou shi zai zhao xun mu, ba ba qu na er le?,, jiang fang zhou: zhe ge gen wo men xue xiao jiao yu you mei you guan xi, wo men xiao xue de shi hou, zuo wen mei ge ren dou bian guo, huo zhe shi xie guo, wo fa shao de shi hou, ma ma zai yi ge xia xue tian, qi zi xing che bei zhe wo,, wo men mei ge ren hao xiang dou xie guo zhe zhong gu shi, hui bu hui ta qian zai di jia shen le wo dao de shang de qian zhai gan.,, wu zhi hong: zhe ge hen you qu, tong chang zhe shi hai zi zi fa xie de, sui ran lao shi bu zhi le ren wu, shuo ni yao xie guan yu ma ma de gu shi, dan shi wo men dou zai xie ma ma duo me wei da ma ma duo me ku jiao ku qing wen hua.,, wei rao zhe ge wo men zai zuo yi dian jing shen fen xi li tou de" zi you lian xiang", ben lai tan yuan sheng jia ting de wen ti, zhu jian tan dao le ma shen shang. sui ran zhong nan qing nv, dan shi zhong guo de wen hua dou shi zai zhao ma, ni kan xiao ke dou zhao ma ma ma ma zai ai wo yi ci, ying shi ju li tou jiang de dou shi ma.,, dou wen tao: na shi yin wei ba ba lao bu zai le.,, jiang fang zhou:" sang ou shi" de jiao yu.,, dou wen tao: shi bu shi zhong guo she hui you dian" ba ba que wei".,, wu zhi hong: dui, dan zhe shi hou wo yao zai jiang yi ge gu shi, yue fei de fu qin shi shui? jiao shen me ming zi? chuan shuo zhong dou shi zhe yang de,, yue fei de fu qin shi ge cai zhu, que shi dang di fa sheng guo da shui, dan shi yue fei de fu qin hen ren yi, zhang yi shu cai, jiu da jia. hai qing le si shu xian sheng jiao zi ji er zi wen hua zhi shi he wu yi, yue fei 19 sui de shi hou shang le zhan chang, na shi hou song guo gen liao guo da zhan, shi fu qin rang ta qu da zhang de, deng ta 22 sui de shi hou, ta fu qin cai qu shi, na shi hou yue fei yi jing zai zhan chang shang chuang xia ming tou le.,, dan shi ni kan, wo men de li shi wo men de wen hua, jiu ba zhe ge fu qin gei" mou sha" le, yue mu zai ta bei shang ci xia le jing zhong bao guo ji ge zi, ran hou zhe cheng le yi ge tu teng. qi shi yue fei zhi suo yi cheng wei zhe yang de yue fei, shi fu qin pei yang le ta.,, dou wen tao: wo guo qu yi zhi yi wei, yue fei de fu qin shi ge bu fu ze ren de ren, pao qi le gu er gua mu, zi ji chu qu hua qu le.,, wu zhi hong: wo zai jiang yi ge gu shi, bao zheng de fu mu shi shen me ren? wo men de chuan shuo dou shi, bao zheng shi ta sao zi dai da de, dan shi bao zheng yi yang shi di zhu jia ting, fu qin ye shi hen you zuo wei de.,, que shi hen duo jia ting wen hua li tou, fu qin que wei huo zhe fu qin bu gou hao, dan shi you hao fu qin de, you ba ta gei" mou sha" le, suo yi wo hui ren wei, wo men que shi shi xun mu wen hua, mei hua ge zhong ge yang de mu qin, suo yi zhe gou cheng le yi ge ju da de mao dun: ji yan zhong di zhong nan qing nv, you yan zhong di mei hua mu qin, zhong nan qing nv rang nv er hen tong ku rang xi fu hen tong ku, dan shi yi dan ni cheng le ma, jiu bu yi yang le.,, liang wen dao: suo yi jiu shi fu qin de yuan chou shen le.,, mu qin zhe ge yi xiang shi hen you qu de, wo men tong chang xing rong guo jia gen ren min de guan xi, guo jia shi mu xing de, wo men hui jiang mu qin he, hui dao zu guo de huai bao, bu tai rong yi xiang xiang zu guo shi ge ba ba.,, wu zhi hong: dui, hai you yi ge hen you yi si, ni kan ou mei wen hua zen me xing rong zu guo ne?,, liang wen dao: hen duo shi hou hui jiang father land fu di.,, wu zhi hong: ru guo ni kan hao lai wu dian ying, duo shu dou zai jiang fu qin, zhong guo de dian ying duo shu dou zai jiang mu qin, zhi zhu xia bian fu xia ge zhong ge yang de ying xiong pian, jiang de dou shi fu qin.,, zhao jing shen fen xi de li lun, hai zi he mu qin zai yi qi, san sui zhi hou cai jin ru dao fu qin de shi jie, zhe ye shi fu luo yi de zhu ming de gai nian, jiao e di pu si qing jie, er zi yao shi fu, yi qie quan li de dou zheng yuan tou dou lai zi yu er zi he fu qin de yi zhong quan li dou zheng.,, ou mei wen hua hen duo gu shi jiu jiang dao, er zi he fu qin de zheng dou, tong chang shi er zi ba fu qin sha le, dang ran ta yi ge zhong ge yang de fang shi jiang shu, bi fang nuo lan de bian fu xia san bu qu,, bian fu xia zai ta men jia zu tu di shang, fa xian le yi zhi chang mao de mao tou, xian shi ta na ge qing mei zhu ma de xiao nv hai zhao dao de, jie zhe bian fu xia na guo lai, yao zhan wei ji you, zhe ge xiao nv hai zhui ta, ta jiu tao pao, liang ge ren zhui da, jie guo ta diao dao jing li, jing jiu shi qian yi shi, ta na dao zhe ge mao tou, shuo bai le ta xiang shi fu.,, jie guo dang ta diao dao zhe ge jing li, shi yi ge wan mei di fu qin jiu le ta. dang tian wan shang yu dao le yi ge dao fei ba ta fu mu sha le, bian cheng shi dao fei sha le ta fu mu, ran hou bian fu xia duo ci chu xian huan jue, dan shi zhe ge huan jue li tou, yong yuan mei you chu xian guo na ge dao fei de lian. suo yi shuo shi zhe ge pian zi jiang de shi ta de shi fu qing jie.,,, bian fu xia: xia ying zhi mi ju zhao,, dan zhong guo, dou zai jiang de shi, wo men dou zai xun zhao mu qin.,, dou wen tao: suo yi you yi ge guan dian jiu shi shuo, wei shen me xi fang hen gu li chuang xin? xi fang gu dai shen hua jiu shi shi fu, shi fu jiu shi tui fan quan wei, ran hou ni neng chuang zao xin de. dan shi xiang bi zhi xia dong fang wen hua ne, jiu shi qiang diao fu cong, you qi cong jia ting nei bu jiu kai shi le.,, fu mu shen me shi hou ren song ne? bi ru shuo xiang xue biao yan, fu mu bu tong yi, ke shi you yi tian ta yan le bu xi, ta huo le. zhe ge shi hou, ba ba ma ma guo lai jiu shuo, wo men lao le, wo men ke neng you xie guan dian ye bu yi ding dui, ni yi hou de lu ni zi ji zou.,, qi shi zhe ge ben zhi shang shi" cheng gong luo ji": fu mu yuan lai yi ding rang ni fu cong, dan shi you de shi hou, fu mu ye ke yi shuo: ni cheng gong le, wo men ke yi tui xia, ni mei cheng gong, wo men jiu yong yuan you li you bian di ni.,, liang wen dao: ran hou mu qin zong shi yi yi zhong hai zi yong yuan dui ta fu zhai lei lei de xing xiang chu xian, yao bao da mu ai.,, wu zhi hong: suo yi zhe ge cheng wei ku qing wen hua, zhe hui yin chu hen duo dong xi, ruo zhe you li, shui ruo shui you li, ran hou nv ren ru guo xiang zai hun yin guan xi zhong huo de yi dian kong zhi di wei, ta jiu tong guo zi ji bei cui can de zhe me yi zhong gan jue, rang da jia tong qing ta, ran hou zai hai zi mian qian huo de jiu shi hua yu quan.,, liang wen dao: mei cuo, suo yi wo men xi huan dou ku de. wo men shang yi dai na zhong lao wen yi qing nian, jiu bi ru shuo ta men jing li guo jian xin tan suo shi qi, zui xi huan jiang dang nian, xiang dang nian wo na shi hou zen me yang, ta men hui bi shui geng can shui geng ku, yue ku de na ge ren, tong chang jiu yi wei zhe ta jie xia lai yao shuo de hua, huo zhe xie de dong xi jiu yue shen ke.,, jiang fang zhou: dan shi zhe zhong ku qing wen hua, gen na zhong chong shang cheng gong zhe, shi xiang hu mao dun de ma? yin wei yi fang mian, ni kan dao hao xiang dui yu ruo zhe ji yu ge wai de tong qing he guan zhu, dan shi ling wai yi fang mian, qi shi ni you dui cheng gong ge wai de chong bai.,, wu zhi hong: qi shi gui dao yi dian shang, jiu shi fu mu jiao hai zi ting hua, dang fu mu gei ni zuo ge zhong ge yang de jie shi, wu fei jiu yao yi dian ma, rang wo ting ni de, na ping shen me ne, jiu yin wei ni shi wo fu mu, wo jiu yao ting ni de.,, liang wen dao: fan shi zhe zhong ni jiu de guan xi ming que, zhe ge shi ni de shi er, hai shi wo de shi er, da jia fen ji yao gao qing chu, yao bu ran yong yuan jiu chan.,, ben wen wei jie mu wen gao jie xuan.,, ben wen lai zi wei xin gong zhong hao: kan li xiang ID: ikanlixiang, zuo zhe: wu zhi hong liang wen dao jiang fang zhou, biao ti tu lai zi shi jue zhong guo

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